Before attempting a make-under it is important for me to emphasize that results are not typical, some divas may experience rashes, hot sweats, saddle bags, lack of energy, schizophrenic episodes and over all bowel dysfunction and depression. Oh and you may attract the same sex, or men without teeth in wife beaters and big tattoos. (not that there is anything wrong with these individuals.)
Step one: Replace your designer hand bag (even if you bought it at walmart) with a 1980's over-worn fanny pack purchased at a thrift store. Preferably one that smells like second hand body odor, and cigarette smoke.
Step Two: Apply make-up on Monday, and don't wash your face until Saturday. Just keep applying more make up and mascara, if you are going for real authenticity, keep the mascara smearing underneath eyes until Friday.
Step Three: Throw away any supportive underwear...that's right, dingy sports bras and ripped lacy underwear will be sufficient. Hopefully you will have no shape underneath a T shirt, if you dare to go bra-less, do it!
Step Four: The tightest, highest waist-line pants in your closet need to be dusted off and put on. Remember having to lay on the bed to zip up your pants? That's right repeat that process and you are almost Made-under.
Step Five: Change your vocabliary...shoulduh, dunnit, overta, and all the improper ways of explaining things are a MUST to be authentic.
Step six: Get rid of your flattening Iron, stop doing your hair and shaving your face!!!! ( and other body parts, couldn't mention them, this is family friendly reading!) DON'T wax your eyebrows and over draw your lip liner and wear metallic pink lip gloss. If they blend you have put too much on, you must see the very definable line drawn above the lips.
Your complete! If this doesn't work...well, maybe yer jest perddy!
3 comments:
Excellent suggestions! I would like to add, however, that your makeup base and powder be three shades too orange. This is especially helpful when re-applying day after day.
Like rabid said, great suggestions. I would just like to add one as well. You definitely need to wear overalls that are either: a) three sizes too small, thereby displaying every single curve God gave a woman, or b) three sizes too big thereby making everyone wonder if you are a boy, a girl, or something in between.
so, I am made-under? Is that what they're calling it these days? I couldn't get more frumpalicious if I tried...wait, I didn't do the orange base make-up thing...I know can do better!
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