Watch out frumpy munkies, were comin to get ya!

Before attempting a make-under it is important for me to emphasize that results are not typical, some divas may experience rashes, hot sweats, saddle bags, lack of energy, schizophrenic episodes and over all bowel dysfunction and depression. Oh and you may attract the same sex, or men without teeth in wife beaters and big tattoos. (not that there is anything wrong with these individuals.)

Step one: Replace your designer hand bag (even if you bought it at walmart) with a 1980's over-worn fanny pack purchased at a thrift store. Preferably one that smells like second hand body odor, and cigarette smoke.

Step Two: Apply make-up on Monday, and don't wash your face until Saturday. Just keep applying more make up and mascara, if you are going for real authenticity, keep the mascara smearing underneath eyes until Friday.

Step Three: Throw away any supportive underwear...that's right, dingy sports bras and ripped lacy underwear will be sufficient. Hopefully you will have no shape underneath a T shirt, if you dare to go bra-less, do it!

Step Four: The tightest, highest waist-line pants in your closet need to be dusted off and put on. Remember having to lay on the bed to zip up your pants? That's right repeat that process and you are almost Made-under.

Step Five: Change your vocabliary...shoulduh, dunnit, overta, and all the improper ways of explaining things are a MUST to be authentic.

Step six: Get rid of your flattening Iron, stop doing your hair and shaving your face!!!! ( and other body parts, couldn't mention them, this is family friendly reading!) DON'T wax your eyebrows and over draw your lip liner and wear metallic pink lip gloss. If they blend you have put too much on, you must see the very definable line drawn above the lips.

Your complete! If this doesn't work...well, maybe yer jest perddy!

Welcome BB or Barbie Babe, Bambi beauty....welcome

It is with great excitement that I announce the commencement of another Blogger to the skating society. BB otherwise know as Biker Babelicious, is joing us with a similar passion, without the similar trade. That's right folks, we have another female among us telling tales of wonder, bravery, and shear love of a craft. Everyone please welcome BB...her true identity is unknown, but her passion is commonly enjoyed by all who can remember their first big wheel or tricycle. I too remember combing my hands across the leather attached to the ends of the steering wheels.


Welcome...may you find a support within our little mecca of passions.

Yours truly,
Xanadiva

Pum pum ch ch ch ch!

The prelude to my day began with a very annoying alarm that my cell phone plays repeatedly. 5 am comes early, with great intent and fierce dismay I exit my very comfortable, very warm bed. To put on a very tight, very oppressive situation otherwise known as a sports bra. Some people can buy the walmart 5 dollar special, not this skating diva, I must buy the most high tech, nearly steel plated contraption, and pray that I will be able to insufflate correctly. Leaving my home today I did not know what awaited me at the gym. I saddled up to the precor xmx 454 and began my usual cardio exercise. My mp3 player begins with a nice quintet, preferably Brahms, then eases into a little gangster rap, and then we go full throttle, and bump things up with William Orbit. It's fast, it's repetitive, and well, it usually impels activity in my limbs. Pum pum ch ch ch ch, is beckoning in the ears, when what to my wondering eyes should appear? A man to the right within the very dedicated group of runners on the treadmills and what do I see?...MAN BOOBS. You may be thinking that this particular fast paced running diligent was over 300 pounds. No he was a svelte 190 with floppy, over active bouncing beautiful man boobs. I watched them, studied them and before I knew it I was transfixed, motivated, and confused. Feeling a little bit dirty, needing a shower, I directed my attention back to my own work out. Then giggled silently to myself. The list of things that then raced through my head were endless. The repetition of the bouncing and it's onomatopoeia will forever be an inspiration to me. No support, no bra, no fear and definitely no ignominy...I am forever in debt to him. For his stellar way in which he didn't support such a beautiful b cup, without stupefaction. I then feel trapped and unable to expire a breath worth anything, my bra has begun to stultify the very mechanisms that perpetuate, sustain, and renew life...my lungs and diaphragm!!! (please pronounce the g) ::Take just a moment of silence for him, and include him in your thoughts, and prayers:: I wonder if he is still young and just doesn't know what them boobies will look like in about 15 years, when gravity, lack of elasticity and time has taken it's toll. I am not sure if I should tell him, or just pray he is at the Gym tomorrow, so I can study them again....fascinating.

Job research.

After further research of the demands facing skaters in the professional world, I have decided that an all exspense, tax deducted trip be taken to new york to see Xanadu life on Broadway, in the Helen Hayes theater. That's right folks, one of the big screen's greatest moments has been written for the mecca of live Theater...Broadway! In the gift shop you can purchase leg warmers that KIRA had!!! I'm freakin out, I am in suspense, hopeing that my credit card doesn't get declined when I call and book the tickets. Most exciting is that Kira is played by a very talented young lady who starred in the original broadway production of Hairspray...yeah, we'll see if she can skate though. The jury is still out. And one more issue of concern, I mean, how to you hear Olivia singing the theme song for so many years and then just switch to listening to someone else? It'll be hard, there might be tears, both of sadness and utter excitement...we will just have to wait till we get there to have a post for that!

If you would like to join me in my job research, and while we are there do a little shopping, eat out a lot, all while I deduct it from my yearly earnings on my taxes just let me know, the more I spend the more I deduct, no probelm. I know many of you are as passionate as I am about the future of the skating Diva, and all action must be taken to ensure I have all materials, and information to succeed. Maybe I can schedule an audition while I am there. I have prepared a new piece to "She Bangs" by Ricci Martin. It's libidinous; perfect for those liberals in New York City!

An uncanny resemblance to Olivia

I have been told that I have a striking resemblance to Olivia Newton John, except I have brown hair, tower over her by half a foot, out weigh her by a lovely 20 or so pounds, and have a completely different shaped face. Never the less I think what they really see, or rather hear, is our similarities chiming away in lovely harmony as we rock out with John Travolta and Gene Kelley. Where is my ELO CD anyway? And did you know Rush did a cover of Xanadu? I really like that band, off to Itunes I go!